Struggling with Writing with Alan Wake Pt 1
It has been a struggle to find the time to write. It's hard not to think everything you pump out is complete crap. And so that kind of brought the inspiration to play Alan wake, to go through the entire series, piece by piece. I'm finished with the first game, now I am going through the DLCs and honestly the game is more relatable than my last 400 play throughs. I'm also struggling to get the proper words down, it seems that writing is going against me; it has now become my enemy. My writing is now brutally fighting back, and it's such a refreshing thing to see this portrayed in a video game.
For this post I kinda wanna just make it the whole April post 'cause there's nothing really going on this month except catching up on my backlog of writing. Playing through Alan Wake gives me power, this power over trying to write. This post was born from this idea and so I'm not going into the story of Alan Wake but going into the things that stood out to me in this play through. While also explaining my struggles with writing right now and especially how everyone expects Alan to keep writing. To keep creating books after the other or to continue writing like it's like it's easy. It's not it's hard you know, sometimes you can't find the right words to put down on paper and you're staring at the screen for hours, thinking is this even gonna be good? Is someone even gonna read this?
I will split the main game from it's DLC's as I write this blog post and hopefully by that time Alan wake two's DLC's will be out but I won't hold my breath on it.
Starting with the first game, the things I've noticed are not only how easily everyone expects Alan to create a manuscript but just how much his writer's block has blocked him from his new book departure. Writer's block can be just a nightmare. Just imagine trying to create something out of nothing, trying to create a book, and you can't find a single word to start off with. One word to carry you through the middle of your story or to point you in the right direction of what the story could sound like. Trying to find that starting point is a struggle. Even getting on here and trying to create this post was pretty hard. You know, trying to find the right subject even though it is an open mind, my mind just goes blank so I feel for the guy. It's not like he's actively not trying to write. The process of writing doesn't come easily, and it's the cycle of beating yourself of not writing. While you're still trying and getting reminders from everyone is so annoying you already feel like a failure. You don't know how often I get the "Hey where's that book you said you were gonna make out of high school," and, "Why haven't you created something" "oh I can't wait till your book gets published can't wait to see you be a celebrity" it's not easy making a book or creating a story beat that's any good. But not only that, it's a pain in the ass because you constantly feel like a failure for not living up to other people's expectation and not living up to your expectations, it's like this circle of abuse.
A manuscript he doesn't remember, a story that is out to kill him. Alan describes the process of how a story should be made, on the line it follows from the genre. A story like this made me notice on how we place rules and borders along ourselves and on whatever creative endeavor we're working on. It's like we're our worst enemy and, like I said, it makes me not feel alone. But it also unlocks something that says "hey just throw something out there even, if it doesn't look good at least you're writing and at least you're going forward", that was the biggest reason of wanting to play Alan Wake of course I love the game to death but it's the only piece of media that resonates with me as a writer .
So going through the game, this comfort of how this hidden enemy and every word I try to use is attacking me and it's silly writing this down, but it's the truth and maybe that's why I keep going back to Alan Wake. Trying to figure out how to get past this mountain, this darkness that's been blocking me from writing, from creating a full on book. It's kind of sad because Alan Wake was the only game that helps me figure out what being a writer is, but my high school self never fully understood the weight of what being a writer was. And so the further I go into this series and the more parts I add to this, I'm hoping it helps me get out of this dark shell that's been blocking my stories.
I'm not gonna lie It's been fun revisiting this franchise because I can figure out more about myself through my writing and it gives me a bit more courage and so while playing this game I have a starter podcast I am working on. I have cut as much fat as needed, I never noticed when your given everything you lose focus on what you wanna create nowadays you can make whatever you want it's an enormous distraction to the creative process because if you do everything you get nothing done. So I've returned my camera. And have repurposed YouTube for podcasting. I don't want a huge social media presence. I would rather just create stories and be in the background.
I've been so overwhelmed by all the content there is but have noticed how one of my favorite author's Joanna Penn, creates a single background and adds her podcasts over it and that's something I would love to do and too just stick with writing. That way I'm only writing for the podcast, the blog, the book and the magazine.
These were my thoughts for now. After finishing the first game, I will add a second part for completing the DLC’s and explain how my thoughts interweave into the story of those DLC's, thank you for reading, till the next time.
