March Madness
It's been quite a chaotic start to the month, with things turning sour. I don't even know where to begin with this news. Unfortunately, one of the most talented Manga Creators has tragically passed away, and the pain is indescribable. Damn, it was a real punch to the gut to find out it was Akira Toriyama, the creator of Dragon Ball Z. The feeling of depression still lingers within me as I reflect on this situation. It's peculiar how, with age, we never expect these titans to pass away. These are like childhood heroes, inspirational icons. They're supposed to outlive us all. But once you hear a titan like that passing away, it just reminds you of how fast time can pass you. It’s amazing seeing these creators come out and praise Mr. Toriyama and explain how they have found inspiration from his stories. It made me go down memory lane a bit. I literally still have the trading cards from middle school of Dragon Ball Z, I’m never getting rid of those. But along with other people, I had to make my piece with it. I created a small minor post about how important that series was to me. It still doesn’t feel real that he’s gone now. I’m glad that he touched so many people’s hearts. The best we can do is to show the next generation the greatness which is Dragon Ball Z and to use the inspiration Toriyama gave us to push forward.
On a lighter note, I’m working on setting myself up to write more, by building a simple habit. I would always complain about how little writing I get done and never thought to make a habit out of it. Like with the gym or my skincare routine (which I barely started) why not just write a small amount of words everyday around 400 words every day, just something to finish through the day, nothing major?
This month has been pretty busy lately. It started off simple until the middle of the week started hitting. With more call off’s, getting my niece a ps4, our job having a baseball game and some car maintenance mixed in. Adulting is a pain, but I’ve been able to talk with my boss and figure out where to move up to a position like this. At first I was thinking of a retirement home, but no positions around here were available. I spent an hour finding different options and anything that was transferable to leave from my area, and I think I found something very viable. It would be crisis, collecting members in deep distress, suicidal, etc. And examining them and taking them to where they need to be placed, that’s. It sounds like a good deal plus my boss know's the guy who runs this area. So it works for me. I still want to get more info on it. I know the location and got copies of the paperwork that show the differences of what we each fill out. It sounds like a perfect position. I just have to see how to work everything around it. Plus, I’m not going back to stocking groceries. I am so happy I found a job like this. It’s within my field of interest.
Besides that, I’m trying to figure out where to start with writing. I missed the last Reedsy Prompt to enter, so I got to wait till it refreshes. I love writing but I lag heavily on it; and huge procrastination problem, either procrastination or analysis paralysis, So it’s the middle of the week and I am still keeping up with the one week of writing and the next week video editing, and so I’m starting off with a new story for my channel (Writing with Trauma). This channel will focus heavily on stories containing heavy trauma. I want to center in and focus on one subjecting for it, and kind of through various experimental horror stories for the podcast. This helps me out more to organize all this writing and keeps each story in its own spot. Again, analysis paralysis, I’m trying not to take too long to plan this crap out and to throw it out there, clean or messy. That’s what I’ve been doing with these blog posts too. If I don’t have time to finish editing it, then I will edit it after it’s posted. That way, it won’t stay in limbo till the end of time.
What else do I have to share? As I’m writing this, we’re halfway through the month and not much else is going on. I guess I am in a repeating loop saying I want to write, not writing, needing to write, missing out on deadlines, then getting after myself and writing it down.
Such a violent cycle, or maybe it’s a spiral, Alan wake 2 joke, just for kicks.
You know what, let’s get a hint more personal. I have tried to attempt dating by thinking about it. But of no such luck. It’s dumb, but as a twenty-nine-year-old with some hidden trauma, I just don’t think I can maintain a relationship even after three years of therapy. I’m in a better spot than before, but I don’t think I’ve gotten over any past relationship, or any past mistake I made with my prior relationships. They never worked properly from the start. It seemed like a foreign concept to be with someone and share half of yourself, to share your thoughts and feelings. To be completely open with someone is just a scary thought because I never thought that I deserved that type of love.
It’s hard when you’ve never witnessed it. I don’t know. My friend and therapist still push me towards it so we will see.
March 31st
Lately I went back to therapy and found out about distribution and kind of cleared some things up about my writing. I always knew I hated writing, but I could never put it in words, so it felt cathartic talking about it in therapy. My therapist has helped me with the writing aspect of the business. So I've always had a harder time going back to my writing. Because I enjoy creating stories, but I hate writing. It just feels like school all over again. After school writing has not been the same for me since I was a kid so yes I struggled with going back to writing and so throughout the sessions she picked up on that and we got to the discussion of the main thing what is wrong with writing.
Why do I have such a hard time trying to maintain my work with writing and it always came back to the same spot of I love creating but just hate writing? I just hate going back to that little piece. I love creating a world creating stories, but with writing I hated it and so she threw the idea of distribution or to distribute a story.
And here I thought the only way to tell stories was to write it out. She presented the new word to me. I now have homework and to figure out what this new word was and what this different way of writing was.
So ending off this blog article I wanted to do the second half with distribution. And this is the first time I'm really working on it. It's been awhile since I've even touched this blog post it's been awhile since I've even created any stories or outline anything because of my dissing over writing but, I'm Enjoying this process a bit more, it's still new and kind of scary but I want to use this more often to help me bring out those writing chops in and in creating stories that bring a bit of that inner child out.
Of course it's gonna take some time to kind of build back a stable routine but I think using this kind of process will help me get back on track.
So thank you for reading my post until next month. See you guys next time.
