My Thoughts- Old Post Pt.1
October 14, 2022
This one is going to be random, honestly this was another reason to have this blog, to throw up random stuff I am thinking about in between reading, gaming, or watching anything.
With Clinical Depression, it’s always there. It’s not a simple sadness that can resolve itself by modifying your environment or surrounding yourself with more helpful acquaintances. No Clinical Depression likes to creep up out of nowhere and you're feeling like shit for no reason. For me, I think it happens when I feel the most confident and catch me with my guard down. Fuck you Depression!!!!
But I don’t want to write five hundred words sulking about it, no..... I want to just explain that you’re not alone. Something about finding out or hearing how other people have similar experiences always makes me feel a lot better. And so hopefully this will help at least one person out there, no matter when you're reading this, this is an endless journey where all fighting through. But let me know what gets you through these moments. I am really curious, plus I enjoy trying things I would never otherwise try. For me, I try not only distracting myself but also letting myself know that it’s okay if I am not perfect. It took me so long for me to actually put my writing up because I thought it would always need to be perfect but..... Fuck Analysis Paralysis, even if my writing is shit I don’t care because I love the hell outta it and it helps put my depression in check.
I have a passion for going to the gym and carefully monitoring my food intake. I’m not trying to be buff, but at least craft my body up to give me some confidence. Honestly, watching what you eat really helps clear your head too. I mean, there is a lot of crap that can really make you feel sick or guilty that you're eating it. Consuming excessive amounts of sugar and salt can have negative effects on your health, but it’s important to remember that moderation is key. You don’t have to eliminate these indulgences completely, and it’s perfectly okay to enjoy chips, candy, and soda in moderation. Because trying to expunge it just made me feel stiff. It’s acceptable to have stuff in moderation. Just taking care of yourself and making sure your needs are being taken care of is all that matters.
But amongst other things, that’s what I do. My approach is to absorb and keep valuable information while ignoring any toxic or detrimental material. I understand the world isn’t perfect......my writing isn’t perfect.....I am not perfect....and that’s okay. Depression is this hidden bastard that makes you feel worthless, and that’s not true. You can fight just like anyone else. If you feel like something is boosting that Depression, then cut it out, work on yourself and do something fun. Be creative. I am working on a YouTube, books, and this sort-a blog. It’s fun as hell. I want to prove to myself that I can build a sustainable income off of those things, and manga later. I also want to prove that I can gain an audience with just YouTube, yes you heard that right, I have no Facebook, Snap chat, Instagram, TikTok, or Twitter. Crazy isn’t it, Depression isn’t easy, so why go through a simple route if I hate it? I hate social media. It’s perfectly fine for you to have it, but I found it challenging. While I was working on my small business, I noticed everyone insisted on having one of those in order to succeed. But why torture yourself with something you hate just to get a temporary following? Fuck that, I want to build a community throughout YouTube. Plus, to be honest, I am hooked on it.
But that’s the end of whatever this was. Thanks for hearing me spit out all this random crap. And let me know in the comment what you do to help with your Depression or Sadness, not trying to knock anyone down, this was kinda fun. I might throw another one of these up.
November 01, 2022
So this is another thought piece; not going to lie; I enjoy putting these up. Nothing too significant has gone down, but I suffer from Paralysis Analysis with this first YouTube video. What is the perfect way to capture this first video, and how do I make it memorable? This could be why most YouTubers never make it off the ground. And Authors, too, to be honest, what you're looking for is something that doesn’t exist, and not giving yourself time to fail and grow is harmful.
And so I’ve been changing every game I play; I was about to do it again until I stopped myself, just froze, and went deeper into the game, letting myself have a little fun with it. It’s okay if your first video isn’t perfect; hell, it’s okay if it isn’t even long. That is why it’s called a first video; I know this is common for most people, but for me, saying and doing are two different things. I want to jot down a couple of pages and record some footage to throw it up as soon as possible. Even if it’s an ugly mess, it is my ugly mess, which will get better in due time.
That’s where I wanted to start with a thought piece. Next, I want to bring out this pesky depression in broad daylight. When I do something often, I get pretty burned out and usually take a few days off to cool down and find my passion. And that’s what I did with writing; now that is what I am doing with the gym. The realization hits me almost instantly, and I waste no time in begging for it back, giving myself a narrow window to reopen. I don’t know if it’s the season or what, but my Depression just feels like it’s stagnating, for better or worse; it just feels like it’s sitting there mocking; I can feel the bastard. I’m curious. Does anybody else feel this way? What do you do to get through it?
Besides my curiosity, I hope to grow this platform and help as many people as possible through my writing. Thanks for listening again or reading this piece till next time.
November 26, 2022
First Novel- We’re back with me just spit balling here, but I love writing on this platform. I’m thrilled with myself for keeping up with writing this consistently. My future novel, The Tape, was not the first book I thought of publishing; I set it down, thinking there was nothing to add to it. But surprising to say it’s been going smoothly.
I designed this book in a way that seamlessly fits into the Kindle Vella platform. First, when I was considering publishing for Amazon, I took a step back with it, don’t get me wrong, kindle is a fantastic platform, and I’ve rarely found any negatives with it, but of course, there is always an excuse with me. I was thinking more about it, and I preferred a platform for writers by writers. Amazon, Kindle, Kindle Vella, and Kindle Short read are all great things, but there have been too many occurrences of people losing their accounts or getting ended for basic things. And it got me thinking that Amazon can be good at everything but will never be the best at everything. And so, I went straight to Ingram spark and Draft 2 Digital. Ingram spark isn’t the best, but they put both feet with books. Instead of spreading out their resources, I would rather be with someone who deals with one thing. This doesn’t mean I won’t use Amazon to sell my stories; I just wouldn’t be using KDP as a tool for my books.
Another thing after leaving, I’ve been writing like crazy; I believe over three months, I’ve hit about 100 pages worth of material; still don’t know how much that translates to word count, but it’s still something to be proud of. Now I recount my days living in the city and how much slacking occurred. It’s funny when you think about it; you make all these excuses of why you can’t write, then once you come back around, you figure out that it wasn’t the location..... it was you—making the excuse that I needed inspiration for writing or the perfect place to come up with something. All of it was just bullshit, to be honest. Here I am in the library, typing to my heart’s content.
I’m proud to say that my book is halfway written, currently at 48 pages, and I’m thinking of going to at least 120 pages. I like to make it short, sweet, and to the point. And with this process, I’ve cut out a lot of fat. And hopefully, I can get this first draft out in January and figure out where to go next. So now time for YouTube and this blog; I have some exciting ideas and places I want to take them.
YouTube Ideas- I have a ton of material for YouTube; it’s all just about pacing it at the right time. I finished the script too. The first one to test out the waters, and I’m also throwing out the very first video I have ever created to keep it archived. Going to the old notebook that previously held my first channel name and ideas feels nostalgic. Horror Fanatic, damn, that takes me back. The bad thing about Horror Fanatic was how restricted it touched with its content. I wanted to do more than just horror-related content.
Upon closer inspection, I discovered a treasure trove of fascinating material that I am eager to delve into. The hype is real, but it helps me fully bring out my weirdness. Guess the YouTube about section just became my focus, which is weird since I barely read it on any of the channels I’m subscribed to; Now I wonder has any one read the about page? I’m curious, but I digress; I don’t know if I want to stick to a schedule, but the channel will never run out of fresh ideas.
I’m pouring my heart and soul into this YouTube channel. My goal is to compile a versatile playlist of thought-provoking essays. But also thinking of creating either 3-4 sections of the topic, maybe one summarizing it and the rest about what the piece of media brings to mind. I’ve seen many discuss the main plot of the game while throwing out their points in between, and it was something that I don’t find entertaining; you will get a quick synopsis, but the discussion will lead to something that interests me or pertains to me and a few others. I will know better once I create more videos, but this is what I wanted to share for now.
Blog outline- The Blog is another thing I want to improve; these past three months have been great. Honestly, I always thought writing the thoughts in your head would be a waste. I always felt that just writing it down wouldn’t make much of a difference because it is still in your headspace, so what’s the point? Weird to say, but it’s very therapeutic.
I feel like it has become an addicting habit, and that is great because I needed more reasons to build writing as a habit, and it has spilled over to both YouTube and my books.
So for the Blog, I’m enjoying this three-act structure of talking about whatever is on my mind; that way, the blogs come out longer. Instead of jumping around to multiple issues, I can dedicate the entire three minutes to focus on one topic. I might keep those up in bite-sized portions for those in a hurry, but I’ll attempt to write more than this, so expect these blog pages to become lengthier.
I also want to share short stories and ideas I’m currently considering. Plus, I enjoy adding multiple pictures to the Blog, making it like an open picture book. I have hundreds of stories; what better place to store them than my community?
Plus, I want more open topics for you guys to comment on and share your opinion and thoughts. It will be a pretty exciting chapter, and I appreciate you taking the time to read some random guy’s blog and a mess of ideas. Hopefully, I can create valuable and compelling stories for you all until next time.
